but i feel good

Moth Killer

2007-10-07T22:44:00.000+10:00

I just killed a moth, no actually two. I was in my room, trying to catch a couple who'd stumbled across into the light source that was my room. We have had a bit of a moth invasion lately! I've been doing the 'right' thing, once in awhile catching them and letting them out in the garden...that has always been my policy, but there is just so many of them, i'm getting lazy.

Tonight was different though, I kept trying to catch this moth, and unlike most this one was putting up a bit of a fight, in a fit of dsitress it kept flapping all over the place. I would get so close, and then lose it again, I was a bit obsessed at this point...i'm gonna catch you and set you free if it takes all night. I however lost my patience too soon, next thing you know I start trying to swat it down with a t-shirt. I went crazy if...I can't save him, he was going to die. He'd pissed me off, I was trying to break his wings...i succeeded, after a few swots my t-shirt clipped a wing and he went bang onto a wall...

I didnt stop there, I started vacuuming my room, and saw another one, and just pointed the hose right at it...shooosh!!! he was in a dark and dusty place now. Ha! hear me roar!

I wonder what made me go from wanting to help a poor lost creature, to wanting to kill it and anything else that resembled it. Maybe my help comes at a price? Do as you're told or expect consquences. So it begs the question, can I help someone when they test my patience, will I just destroy them because they don't want to be helped. Maybe I should've just walked away!

Climb and Fall

2007-08-19T21:26:00.000+10:00

we were on a steep climb
to the top of a mountain
your grabbed my hand and lead me up

It wasn't a mountain i've climbed before
It wasn't something I could do alone

but you pulled
and pulled
and pulled me up

I thought i knew what you were doing
I believed I knew what I was doing

You were the trecker i trusted
You were king of this mountain
oh so i thought

Now we are at the top
oh so i thought
the mountain just seems to get bigger
and bigger

but i'm now liking this climb
I like that your hands
are warm
I like that your grip
is tight

suddenly you stop
suddenly you drop

I got ahead of you
I was running too

now you push
and push
and push me down

I hold on, I can see the top
but you push, now you kick

With mud in my eyes you let me fall
now i roll down this mountain

I'm bruising, I'm bleeding
and I can't stop the stumble

I know if i stop half way down
this mountain
I can never get back up
I can't do it alone

So i continue to fall
and it hurts so much

But I know one day i'll find myself
at the foot of the mountain
and I'll be able to find my feet
find my medicine and heal myself

till the next mountain i climb

if you find me racing white horses...

2007-07-19T22:47:00.000+10:00

I need to get shit out, so i'm gonna blog!

A lot has happened over the last 6 weekes. I'm still with the same boy, but i'm beginning to forget how his lips feel like, his warm hands and those eyes...he's been away for awhile!

Last time I blogged he was going away for 3 weekes, then came back for less than a week, and told me he was going away for another 3, when in fact it was 6...was not happy about that. But got over it! it's work, we all have to suffer for work! It has been hard though, i feel like i've been deprived of him. I believe no one should be deprived of him, cause he is in one word a fantastic human being.

I think our relationship strengths...though last few weekes there have been some hurdles along the way. First with him not telling me the whole truth about going away (forgiven, not forgotten). Secondly me not telling him I was coming out to my parents...which i did tell him about, but i guess it was a late announcement (but he was one of the first to know?) I dunno! I also found out about his close friendship with his ex, which sunk my ship for awhile cause of such experience with my ex. i.e. My ex used to tell me how great his ex was, and made me feel like 2nd class...not very nice! I doubt that will happen here though, if it does, i'm taken the next boat to singleville, I'll swim if I have to.

Returning to the most significant point...coming out! shizer!!! I have felt atleast a few times over the last couple of weekes that I don't have much mastery over my brain. As it searches every possible outcome and answers and loathes in self pity, I find myself petrififed. I have had a couple of sessions of crying, which is crazy as I never cry! What worries me the most is that the anxiety around coming out cannot be contained within that experience. I have for ages felt like my parents only loved me for the things I did, and never for who I am. Take for example when I came 5th in the state for a scholarship test, and they were so dissappointed I didn't make top 3 that I was told off, and was ignored for the better part of a week (I was 11). So nways, that's just one drop in the ocean.

So coming out is just going to give them enough ammuniation to take me down. Why do I care? cause they are my parents, and as much as we can deny it, we are all influenced by them; listen to Kate Miller-Heidke song 'Mamma'. So i have been feeling a little insecure recently, with the looming of a rejection, will mum and dad cross me off the list, and just have one son from now on? I think this has impacted my relationship, I am thinking stuff i wouldn't even give 2seconds to...like does he really like me for who i am, how long before he gets bored, am i just another boy on the list? It's wrong and I'm putting a stop to it, but it's hard considering I'm coming out in the next week. I hope the post coming out is easier than the pre! May the gay lords be with me!

The Universe and everything else

2007-05-27T18:26:00.001+10:00

How I hate my fleeting emotions. I'm feeling better now, and thinking of this boy who is on an aeroplane somewhere, bopping his head to some music, watching a film, reading a book or a note :-)

The universe brings me many things, good and bad. This is one I'm incredibly grateful for. Ever since i was a kid I wanted to understand the mystery of the universe; why things work the way they do, why good things happen to bad people, and vice versa. I am somewhat closer, but it's like a snail that's crawled 1m, to realise the race goes for a 1km. When good things happen to me i get this paranoia, like something bad is just around the corner, ARRGHHH!!! why must i be so fucked up!!!

I can't keep my eyes open

2007-05-27T18:11:00.000+10:00

I just got back from coffee with a friend. He seems to be doing ok, maybe a bit depressed, a bit confused, even questioning his sexuality (ding! dng! ding! the warning bells ring). He wants love, a relationship, the softer things in life...but they never come to you, they come to you in the form of a person, and that person you can't buy, pre order and even choose.

It's been a long week, I'm feeling better about my life direction. I'm almost 100% sure that I will be studying film next year. I have ideas that must eventuate one day, and i'm sick of copping out. I met Ben's parents, that was a nerve wracking expereince, i think i was so tense half the time when i left it was like i just finished a heavy weights session. I liked it though, cause he sat next to me, and to see his face everytime i turned to the side was all I needed. I saw him off at the airport and exchanged pressies. He gave me the nicest card EVER!!! and i sneaked in a little note into his book, he seemed pleased with it :-) The hounds of love are chasing me, woof! woof!

I just finished writing a letter to my mother, which i will edit multiple times I'm sure. It's a coming out letter, I got the idea talking to my friend. I just wanna get it over and done with, I want this fog to lift. I know she will go mad over this, she is the drama queen of the family, she will hurt me more than she knows...I will run, just like always. But this time it's different, my heart is softening, I wanna cry! in fact I am.

A quickie!

2007-05-09T07:33:00.000+10:00

I'm just writing a quick post before heading off to work. Waiting for some home delivered food from mum, she is fantastic when it comes to this stuff. I painted her a mug for mothers day, as a thank you for keeping me from becoming a skinny model.

On other news, I eagerly await the arrival of the books i ordered on Buddhism. I don't have any expectations (as Buddha said that only leads to disappointment) but I'm going to jump into these books all eyes and ears open. I have been building up my own ideas ad philosopies on life, but I think I would like some help; a solid grounding to leap off.

Just sitting here listening to some music and writing, I realise that I haven't spend a lot of time with myself. I have been doing NIDA and ACON regularly, and marking exams/assignments. Of course I now have a BF :-) yay! I can't tell you how much I like him, more than olives and chocolate!

He's so cute, He's so fine, He blows...

2007-04-28T21:58:00.000+10:00

...my mind (get your mind out of the gutter!). Well once again I've bloody well ignored this blog for ages, but I'm back. I come bearing good news, very very good news!

I've met someone, not someone in a bar, through a friend...but on my MSN list, god knows how he got there, but I'm glad he did...and I'm glad I (we) had the initiative to have coffee the instant he binged me. It was just the right time. I was planning for a lifetime of singledom, thinking gaymen and I were incompatible. I even saved up for a cat :-)

Then out of the blue came this boy, full of smiles, full of laughs, he brought me something I did not expect...Hope!

I want to write about him, but I'll put it best in the words of Kate B 'wow, wow, wow...we think your amazing, we think your fantastic, we think your incredible'...and in my words 'we want you'.

The Sri Lankan War

2007-03-17T12:07:00.000+11:00

I just sent off a letter to Connie Levett from SMH for her story on the plight of the Sri Lankan Tamils. It was a 6 page online article; http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/tamil-children-swept-up-as-war-creates-a-new-monster/2007/03/16/1173722744349.html

It was so heart warming to see somene from the Australian media cover an issue from a part of the world thats barely mentioned here. When i read articles like this I sometimes wonder what would have become of me if my parents never moved me here. Would i be running around with a pointless university degree trying to get employed in a country where your name could automatically disqualify you for a job. Would i be part of the LTTE, maybe working in their PR department (ha!) or even brave enough to be a soldier. A doubt my mum would approve of that. But seriously, I miss Sri Lanka so much sometimes, I was lucky enough to grow up in an area not affected by war (besides the occasional suicide bomber). I want to go back sometime, maybe with a purpose.

Quite time for pondering and yawning

2007-03-14T22:53:00.000+11:00

yawn...!!!!!!! so tired!!!

I should really blog more often, but this isn't something many people read so it's all good. The play is now over (it's been over a week). I had such an amazing time doing it. It's weird, i'm a bit of a perfectionist and a bit obsessive. Every night after coming off stage or in between scenes i would always feel like i hadn't tried hard enough, and the occasions when i did feel this way the director would say that i did a great job. On the other hand on occasions when i think i did a great job, i hear i hadn't done the best of jobs. So i dunno, my judgement must be totally off the mark.

NIDA is going strong, James my delicious teacher seems to think i'm doing well. I heard him give an 'excellent' comment to someone in the group (so far just one such comment). I'm working hard to earn that praise, so far all i've got is 'very good', and he said he can't pick up my nervousness. I just need to have a bit more variation and expression and i should be excellent in no time.

I'm starting my first day of teaching tomorrow. Having done it a few times i shouldn't be worried, but there is always this fear hanging around the back of your mind. I'm not sure why, so i'm gonna shove it off and focus on the lesson. Hmm, i wonder what kinda students i'll get this time round.

I've also been reading up on buddhism and hinduism, my religions of choice if i were to swing that way. Buddhism is impressing me more and more, alot of truths i had some to realise in life are being held up as universal truths and buddhism has given it more depth than i have so far. So my question is, should i explore a religion or continue on this path on my own, and see where it takes me? I like the idea of reaching nirvana on my own. How typical of me; I don't need any help from anyone, do you know who i am?!?!?!

Catching Up

2007-02-14T22:11:00.000+11:00

I've ignored this blog for over a month now. So i have to write something. ANYTHING, ateast so i don't forget my sign in password :-)

I'm now well into the year, New job with NSW HEALTH has started, cautiously optimistic about it. Lots of potential, but lots of red tap as well...grr, bloody government

Had a really weird moment today, my boss was driving me into the city on her way home, a nice gesture i appreciated. But as soon as i got into the car and started talking, i felt this strange fear. I've been here before. My boss at MS used to drive me home as well. Yikes, it was quite a fright, i didn't want to go back there ever again. MS will have to go on the list of things that have 'damaged' me :-)

I've also started at NIDA, and it was fucking horrible first day, well not really (just trying to be dramatic...ha). I did feel a bit on edge that everyone else there seems to have 'experience', or knew what they were doing. They all seemed so good at public displays of emotion, something i've always struggled with, which i'll have to now overcome. What else does an actor do?

The play is going great as well, i think i'm finally starting to hit the mark!

Marie Antoinette as Paris Hilton

2006-12-29T17:36:00.000+11:00

I watched Marie Antoinette last night. Overall it was quite an entertaining film, a bit clumsy at times but it got be laughing, it got me thinking.

When i heard Sofia Coppola was the directer/writer, i was quite excited, having seen her first 2 features. But my film buddy said at the premiere the film was booed for being so historically inaccurate.

If you stopped the movie 10mins into it, i would have booed as well. Kirsten Dunst (who i think is quite the talent) seemed like a 20th century chic, who's just stumbled out of a costume party, the dress, the hair all in place...everything but the character. She spoke like an American teen, so did her pals, yet her mother had an English accent, then there was the french accent...etc, the music was modern rock...ugh, what has Sofia done?

Wanting to get my $10 worth, i eventually ignored these imperfections and persevered, and what a delight of a film it was.

As you may have guessed from the title, the film is very much a satire of modern times, our obsession with 'the celebrity', namely those who are famous for being famous. Marie Antoinette was just another girl who happened to be born into royalty. Living a life predetermined and controlled by those around her, she didn't become the fleeting, empty and depressed person some of us would have. She made the best of it and became a spoilt little queen (know a few of those?). She had the time of her life, she squeezed every little bit out of those willing to serve her.

Now, this maybe a huge leap, but Marie is Paris, or Paris is Marie? Think about it, in this day and age, we don't have state appointed monarchs, we have self made, self appointed monarchs. The corporate world is full of rich men, rich men with sons and daughters, the new royalty. Think about all the little rules these sons and daughters have to follow, think about the toll it will have on their psyche, think of how messed up they would be. what does one do in such a situation?

I have always maintained that Paris Hilton has serious mental health issues, but maybe this is a better explanation. She's making the best of her situation. Albeit a tad selfish, and short sighted, wouldn't we all do that?

Now remains the question, why are we so obsessed with her?

Save The Pig, the Chicken and don't forget the sheep

2006-12-24T22:28:00.000+11:00

I'm an avid reader of SMH online, it helps me keep up to date on the latest happenings around the world (don't worry it's not my only source). The other day i read about how Pink had waged a war against Australian Wool. Many of you might not know that Australian wool, amongst other wool producers in the world have really low standards when it comes to animal rights. I won't go into detail, watch the lovely lassy pink explain it all, and I'll watch as your jaws drop at how people do this shit and get away with it.

The sad part is, I kept exploring the PETA website, and could only find more and more cruelty directed at animals. For example, did you know KFC doesn't get it's chickens to taste so good by tenderly loving them to death, but rather cutting their beaks off, over feeding them, pumping them with drugs, slitting their throats alive, dipping their bodies in hot water while they bleed...and you should see the footage of what KFC staff get up to with the chickens. I just don't get it, i really don't...how can people do this shit??? I can understand management turning a blind eye because they don't have to face the reality, but the floor staff who do this day in and day out. I sound like some sheltered kid, with no clue, but I don't get it???

Anyway, all this talk is boring, I'm continuing as planned (long before i wrote this, and saw the videos) to become a vegetarian by 2008. It's hard, but in this fucked up consumer society, the strongest way to influence decisions is through your money. Stop buying this shit and they'll stop making it. That's what I love about consumer marketing; the customer is always right!

I'm not here either

2006-12-17T22:06:00.000+11:00

I don't love myself, not nearly as much as i should, and i'm not just talking about mastrubation. I don't love myself, the way a parent loves their child, unconditionally.

That was a loaded statement, not all parents love their children unconditionally.

You are not here

2006-12-17T21:51:00.000+11:00

wow, what a week, more highs and lows than something...my mind is slipping. Had a great start to the week, got a lead role in a play which people will have to pay to see :-). Got into a part time course at NIDA, did drag...all in one week. It was brilliant, well it brought brilliance to what otherwise was a difficult week.

The housing arrangement is sorted, i'm soon to get unemployment benefits while i look for a job. Everything that was stressing me out had dissolved. But there was a huge gaping hole, i still felt incredibly sad and troubled.

It's been a tough couple of months, but it sort of seems to be heading downhill. I admitted to my friend the other day that i finally felt it was time for me to find myself a partner. What i meant was i really really need some love of the romantic kind in my life at the moment. I've always paraded myself as a fiercely independent person who doesnt need another soul to get by. And its true i don't. But as time goes by i'm starting to feel uneasy with that idea. You see, i always thought if the person next to me could fall in love, if people in general fall in love, it's bound to happen to me sometime. but it hasn't

I've had my occasional crush, and the fare share of people who want to sleep with me. But i don't connect with these people. If you are alone in a room and feel lonely, then that is perfectly reasonable, but to be in a room full of people and still feel alone is heart breaking.

House Blues

2006-12-03T22:20:00.000+11:00

Oh Lord!!! Moving House blues have started hitting me. I think for the first time since leaving home i appreciate having lived with my folks. Maybe we didn't look hard enough, maybe it was bad timing, but with 2 weeks to go still we had no place to move to. Then i came up with a brilliant plan (selfish and 'thoughtless' as one selfish and thoughtless person described it) to continue to live in my current house, and get my 2 new housemates to move in here.

BRILLIANT you say, why didn't i think of this before you say? It's not as easy as it sounds

Over the weekend i had my new flatemates inspect the place, they loved it but couldn't agree on who was going to take the biggest room. I could tell one was going to overpower the other, but i knew it wouldnt be fair to force someone to take a room they didnt feel comfortable living in, and i wasn't going to go near that room either (for various reasons).

So now, as i write this post, I've just shot off an email to my agent asking we keep the place, and my trusty old (and now new) housemate puppet will stick around. He is not an actual puppet, just chooses to call him self that. I'm now left feeling bad; one of my new flaties will no longer be just that...grrr, i guess life isn't fair, and you gotta make the best of the situation. Thanks to good thinking I may have just saved myself alot of troubles...or have I????

Invisible

2006-11-22T00:25:00.000+11:00

Had a generally good day today, so i thought. Started off with a trip to Uni, handed in all marked assignments and then picked up exams to mark...it's not the best part of semester, but hey i get to work from home.

For lunch I met up with Puppet, and his friend Steve, fun was had by all. Puppet even seemed to like his present (forgot to mention it was his Bday). I was meant to meet a friend in the afternoon for coffee. 10mins before she was meant to meet me, she calls and tells me her dad has called her to come into the office to look at some papers. GRRR, this has happened so many times that i sometimes question if she is just a really good lier.

But no, i knew it was true. I felt a mix of anger and sadness. Anger at her for cancelling so late, anger at her for being so submissive and anger at me for not expecting it. The sadness only came later when i realised how difficult her life must be. But the only thing stopping her from freedom is her, she allows it to happen. So there goes that sadness.

I kept on thinking, and it came back to me (it's all about me?). I felt a sense of sadness knowing that she could never tell her father who i was, because i was a man and she was a woman. i am an invisible friend. A friend with few rights, because i didn't exist.

I realised how invisible my life is sometimes, how i hide so many things from so many people for a multitude of reasons. Kate Bush wrote a song called, 'how to be invisible', i think it's about becoming very domestic and removing yourself from the external world. But i feel like i exist so much in the external world, but so much of me is invisible, whether it's me choosing to hide my sexuality to my parents, whether it's me choosing to hide behind my humour. I had made myself invisible.

This invisibility spreads beyond me though, I'm sure my friends and family in turn hide many things from me, and about me. It doesn't stop there; the external environment i live in often erases me from existence. I see no representation of me in media, in politics and in our 'culture'. Nothing, regardless what what these peoples motives were, they had made me invisible.

I am truely invisible and sometimes that is TRUELY DEPRESSING!!!

2006-11-11T20:58:00.000+11:00

It's been almost an year since I abandoned (got lazy and got busy) this blog, now i'm back on track. I had a read through the entries before i logged in. Puppet was playing FFX-2, and i was bored, so was surfing the web on his laptop when i came across my blog in his favorites list....

I was half smiling and half cringing as i read the entries, did i really write that?

Now i get blogs, it's a written history of your life, your thoughts and actions...it's a good way of measuring change...and boy do i feel changed.

for one, my occupation on my profile is listed 'soon to be corporate mogul' Hmmm, lol, how things have changed.

2006-11-11T20:57:00.000+11:00

OH WOW I've arrived, and how i've changed!!!

how do you do?

2005-12-01T17:06:00.000+11:00

Other good news of the week. I bought a ps2...whoo hoo, been playing a few games, i have started on kingdom hearts. rpg games rock, this is one is so warm and fussy i love it. Will get to FF10 soon, i played a bit. very different to the previous versions but still looks great. i bought another rpg just cause i could. god dammit i need a bf...lol, i'm happy to be single, no i am, believe me, uhh whatever u dont know me, i'm fine...pssssfff

I also got shakira's new english cd...poetic brilliance (according to my standards anyway...all you music wankers). she is just so cool, i want to be like her :-) I am actually still stuck on her spanish album, but i am slowly progressing to the english one.

rainy day

2005-12-01T16:44:00.000+11:00

whoo hee, its been a hard week. my parents are away in an uber dangerous country, i'm currently unemployed and oh the honours marks came out. i'm sure you can guess from that, my mark weren't too good. it was CRAP...and i'm not the only one who thinks that, my supervisor was furiated, i definately deserve better. I said that to the marker and he goes 'how did i become an expert on thesis marking?'... need i say more, i have never better a bigger dickhead than this guy. But i wont bitch, i'll tell you about somethin that took me a bit higher this week.

i was walking home on a tuesday evening, it was pouring down rain, a bit windy and the night flashed daylight every couple of seconds. i was listening to alanis M new release 'Crazy'. 'we're never gonna survive if we dont get a little crazy'...i think thats how the lyric goes. half way towards my home, in the rain. i closed my umbrella, and walked, smiling in the rain. i saw puddles in the dark. i splashed, i splashed my good shoes. i couldn't wipe the grin off my face. it was somethin i hadn't done since i was a kid. my brother was of course horrified and puzzled why i would do such a thing. but i think he eventually got it

the more i think, the more i know that in the end my parents are coming home to me alive and well, eventually i'll get a job, and i'll love it, and my mark's will be sorted out. and the marker, well i hope he gets run over by a mini, or his umbrella closes on him voluntarily on a stormy rainy day ;-)

freedom

2005-11-04T14:53:00.000+11:00

oh, what a releif, just handed in my thesis, like an hour ago. the co-ordinator looked at the title page and told me there was a spelling mistake...sheez, had a heart atatck...he was joking

I'm actually quite happy with what i've come up with, proud as peaches, I have a grinding tooth ache that wont go away...my wisdom teeth is coming out with a vengence, ouch

well you would think after handing in the thesis i would be running around drunk trying to be funnier than usual...but no, i have 25 assignments to mark, and i have a presentation to do, so its home for mr gary this weekend i think. though next weekend i would be out and about im sure.

i'm looking forward to monday...tattoo day, and I'm looking forward to dave's crazy bender party.

i found out the other day that on average a gay man has 24 partners in a 6 month period...
i know, got me thinking as well...its been a while, i'm thinking of setting myself a quota over the summer h0lidays, what do people think?

24 is a bit excessive, and with all pre and post event worrying i don't think i would bother. and i know someone who has set a personal best of 1 over the next 6months...lol, i wont mention names.

10 in 6 months sounds good? having said that i would be happy with just one, someone who encompasses the different qualities i like in each one of those ten, now that would be nice

soon to be inked

2005-10-24T23:23:00.000+10:00

I have less than 2 weeks to go before my thesis is due, 1 week before i turn 22. and exactly 2 weeks before i get inked for the first time.

thesis...huh, its not the end of the world, and turning 22...don't worry i'm still acting 17. lets talk about the last. Im getting a tattoo, i could not be more excited. I have been waiting for this for awhile. it just feels like the right time. I'm finishing uni, I am ever more close to breaking free from my parents. I have broken free from whatever insecurities, hang ups i held to date. I am riding on of those highs where you a grateful for everyday. times when you look forward to the future.

so what's the tattoo about, you will have to wait and see. so far my parents, bro, george and dave have seen it. stev of course saw it as well...and chucked a hissy fit, i don't think he likes the idea of his lil boy growing up. It's not a pretty little tattoo designed so i can roll up my sleeve and join the fashion crew. Its more personal to me, its an image that means something. ask me sometime and i'll tell you.

racist

2005-10-24T23:02:00.000+10:00

I'm a huge fan of 24 (the tv series), but for the first time i was compelled to break from the spell and watch an episode of cold case on ch9. repetitve american dribble u say...yes maybe, but this case truely did move me.

It was set in the times when the black american struggle was really taking off. a story about a young intelligent black man who befriended a white lady, and paid the price. I have to say me and my brother sitting there watching, our blood was boling. i was so quick to spit at the typical white american who let this all happen. How can we take orders from a country which has hurt its own citizens so much. how did the world let these people destroy the lives of so many, why weren't they brought down like the nazi government. maybe it was too hard, maybe we were too busy imposing the white australia policy.

But during all this angst and hatred, i thought to myself, racism is not a white against black, white against asian problem. Its asians against asians, indians against pakistanis, blacks against browns. i am a racist, for those few minutes after watching the show, i was so full of hate, i wanted to make these people pay. but then a strand of maturity in my mind stopped me, gave me a rope to grab onto. I would only ever perpetuate all that happened over time. It all comes down to taking the difficult road, its so easy to judge and hate, to class everyone in groups. The difficult road is taking each person as they are, not my their skin colour, gender, sexuality...etc, but as one great man said, by the 'content of their character'.

don't be a racist, don't be a sexist, don't a homophobic...just open your eyes and make the best of this amzing world we live in.

what is blog?

2005-10-07T22:55:00.000+10:00

this idea of a blog is a bit difficult to grasp, im sure you've all heard it before, so why read it? why should i write down my private thoughts for the world to read...why would i want to divulge information to a stranger, to a friend, with no control as to when and how they view it...never mind

today

2005-10-07T22:35:00.000+10:00

today...hmm interesting day, got lots of uni work done...helped a friend with a uni assignment and got a free dinner for it :-) had a beer with dave, aparently im mr. popular...haha.

2 exciting things happened

one i met my english teacher for a coffee...amazing woman, a sort of vibrancy and charisma that you cant learn from a text book. had a good conversation, its funny seeing her as a friend now, after seeing her as a teacher for so long.

two, had a really good conversation with my ex boy friend, now best friend...its funny when things fall apart, and you think thats the end of that only to realise that the end isn't the end. i think if you can sustain a friendship with an ex, thats showing true character, and commitment. i mean if you truely love someone, it shouldn't matter if you are sleeping with them or not, right? or even who they are sleeping with?...maybe there are different types of love, rather than varying levels of one love (as i used to think). you can love someone as a partner, and love someone as a friend, and love someone as a person, a truely altrustic act? nway one thing is for sure, friends r alot easier to deal with, and sure last longer.

back for good

2005-10-07T22:33:00.000+10:00

ha, back for another round, after a week it seems (i lost my username)...only 4 weeks, or less left before i finish uni for good...wow, it is a bit of a milestone, after having come so far, now to be thrust onto the 'real' world...

sto radis za vikend?

2005-09-29T11:18:00.000+10:00

hi everyone, after much contemplation and some extremely bored days spent at home i've decided to set up my own blog...thank u to dave for introducing me to the concept...hmm i was going to write about who i am and so on...but i guess i will set up a profile soon, all i know is that right now im at a stage in life when good shit and bad shit happens...but i feel good, and thats all that matters ;-)

oh and if your wondering what the title means...'what are you doing on the weekend?' in serbo/croatian...well atleast thats wat i think it means.